VI
I am turned, through, finished
My tongue caked with him
My soul stained but caught in body
The pain of escape attempts
To flee against his grip
Against my person stripped
The flood returns to infect my words
Fills my mouth, coats my thoughts
My vision hazed and sticky
Reciprocal, reciprocal, reciprocal
A single tear
And giving up
His gift let it ooze it out (off!)
Scrape it off
GIVE ME BACK WHAT BELONGS TO ME!
VII
It stays with me
It never leaves
It’s never left
The taste is here
The smell is near
Crash it upon these internal walls
Cashes on the floor
And ceiling
Crash it like cash spent
Into the homily of market squires
Fuck you!
om the banks of their incision
Over flow, over react, over lived
And never really loved.
47
I wanted the day to begin
I wanted the day to be something else
I wished it hard and strong
And the sentiment never left
Nor the wanting came to cleanse
The moment filled with yesterdays
At the moment of sunrise
I wished it was setting
Turning the page of days
Into months and gloried years
Damned them, damn them
Another decade as this creature
Slain by the second ephemeral
Casting pennies into the wishing purgatory
And empty wells
41. December 1, 2012
I
Everything is starving quiet
In this corner of the larder
Her apron on the dirty floor
Her bones in her grave
And the grave look grandmother gives
Makes me sad
The windows’ curtains torn
Some without décor or flare
42
The Door’s open
The floor’s wet with rot
The carpet’s thread
‘s torn here and there
There is a whisper
In the corridor
From the musty shadow
calling you home
It’s old and abandoned
but it calls you.
43 Capo on 8th fret
C F Amin G (: Emin G Amin G 🙂
Sunday tears keep falling
Sunday sorrow keeps on pouring
Monday takes it all
And we run away
We have nothing left to give you
We have nothing left to hold on to
And you see there’s not even a dream
To give away
All thoughts were pondered
There’s nothing left if you’ve wondered
It came to this we want to hold one another
And we’re to far away
We’ve left the storm
And it’s raining
Between us
There’s nothing better
We’ve left the storm
And it’s thundering
And between us
Nothing can change.
44
The everyday conspires against us
Throwing battle against battle
Frozen in the tundra of our midst.
45
The morning frost frozen in mid-air
Cold arctic driven from heaven
the sky opened up and let it all fall here
46
The clay is froze now
There is no more sinking
The oil turned thick
Only the bitters thin it
And old age
And his crudeness
She loves him
But would see him as
something else
He loves her
But works to forget about it
They don’t give up much
I don’t either
It’s not the same if you have
To take it
It feels better when you receive
And it was freely given
He drives long miles
Through the cold
That gets old
The music get’s stale
The news gets
Dull, broken chipped as rust
The ice up ahead
Is just a flash
From someone taking a picture
Of their wedding decades ago
He starts into a skid
Our hearts skip a beat
Trip over our breath
We are flushed
With the moment’s possibilities
He slides side ways stark
In darkness
The nausea is climbing upon
One heart breaking heart beat
Upon another
It’s the dark of early morning
That pisses him off
Cause she’s snug at home
and just didn’t have a chance
The wheels hit dry pavement
There’s a tussle, vibrating
Through the nausea
And his boy next to him
Wants to ride a horse again
He really wants to, pleading;
“Shut up! I’m in trouble here.” Dad replies.
To the ghost not a decade old
He smiles, sorry dad
There is a clash of metal and plastic
Swearing against moaning pavement
The ghost is gone
The moment lingers
Being tossed in the cab
Thinking just thinking
As the world is turned
upside down, right to left
And drained of colour into the black
Gravity has left the moment
The brevity of it stretched
To prolong the imagination’s agony
The last tumble into the snow risen
Return’s him to a summer’s day
A moment of freedom
On this same road with her
Intimate under that July sun
And the cold returns
To prologue his condition
during the last spin and rock
of his final journey
“Go to sleep daddy.” The boy says,
He struggles to keep his eyes open
He fights to move his fingers
He strains but there is no breath
To be taken
What was risen is now settling
And a gentle snow falls
Around the wreckage
Reverent smoke rises to heaven
A final sequel to the living and the dying
Fear has passed now
All is quiet
It’s just quiet.
47. December 7, 2012
I
I am torn between
Being or not
The state of torment
Continues as a knot
In my throat
As a large knife
Racing through my brain
With a pair of scissors
Cutting the passion
Into little obsessions
Replete repeated constants
Are the Inevitable compulsions
Thoughts menstruating through the grey
A matter perpetuating
Into the tormented moment
Thinking of you as good
I am, as wrong, as you are good.
II
I am tormented as much
By the hurt I inflicted
Upon myself
Then by the pain
Inflicted by others
We all blister and peel
Seep on to the ground
One step after another
Dripping our existential semen
Upon the clay beneath
Our soiled feet
Praying for the rain to stop
Before it all swallows us alive
Alive! How can we be
Fucking ourselves fighting over
Every bit of cash
That gives us not even comfort
Cum for the second
Is pleasure for just that long
Then the menstruating reality returns
And he________sits in his corner
Changing my reality for the day
48 December 8, 2012
Do you remember when?
The sky was falling
U.V. and Ozone tumbling
Our skin was burning
Do you remember this day?
The abstraction was clear
Moving wasn’t steps in wet clay
Oh, swimmin’ in you dear
Now; there was a breath on the water
And it all got muddied
Torn bent and turned to fodder
And the importance of life scurried
Seems of all only one good moment
Refrains from testing the leaving door
Stands waiting sometimes in torment
To carry our blame or die on the floor
It is always a moment of you
So free in your pastoral field
Collidin’ with life under a sea of blue
Swimming through days with armour and shields
Then a tail wind of something dark
On a snakes belly slides out of a cave
The worst things grave and stark
Empties and hollows my soul and grave
The days before the falling sky,
Were we ephemeral joy in a sigh?
When the shadows came on high
The destruction came and a part of me died
I am the greatest of evil
I lived in a man’s body
I lived as strong
When weakness should have
Been my comfort
I became impervious
But shredded my own armor
49. December 8th, 2012
Not every memory is broken
The forest thaw in December
Of tree letting go of final leaves
Come take a journey by token
Into a gallery frosted winter
Where no darkness thus bereaves
We are free
In the memoriam’s first verse
The scene crystalline air hangs
Around tree and trail and fox hunt
Feel the scene of this does un-curse
All that comes and hears the bells clang
Inviting this wintering eve’s cool the cheeks blunt
50. Capo 4th fret C F G Amin (:F C F C G A:)
Caught in a prison
Of flesh and bones
Living in a world
Oh, so wrong
Someone turned the tables
And now it’s gone
I can’t see the light
Or the end of the night
It’s all tangled twisted
And tied in knots
The smile that I see
Is an angry smile
All I wanted to hear
Were loving words
From a friendship torn
To a lover’s scorn
Caught in a prison
Of flesh and bones
Caught in the squalor
Of being stoned
(: Caught in a prison 🙂
(: Caught in a prison 🙂
Caught in a prison
Of flesh and bones
Through the bars of these eyes
Freedom and beauty
These are things that
Don’t belong to me
They say how it should be
I struggle with how it could be
We’re turning this gender
Bender to obscenity
You see the world as
Black and white
Everything else we’ll
Earn with a fight
Caught in the flesh
Of humility
You want to humiliate
And pontificate
Caught in a prison
Of flesh and bones
It’s so absurd
And tangled in me
Caught in a prison
Of flesh and bones
Twisted to the heart
And soul of me
(: Caught in a prison 🙂
Caught in a prison
Of flesh and bones
51. December 9th, 2012
Cool winter morn
Under leafless trees
Just thinking of the morn
In this world dis-ease
Fear and discomfort
At what is different
You huddle in consort
To kill the variant
In any way you can
And the rest you silence
Oppress in the narrow strand
The real is ambivalence
52
When the moments are hollow
And the wind has a knife’s edge
Tossing ice pellets like bullets
I could still walk for miles
And when the snow falls
Thick and big like quarters
falling from not as high
As you’d imagine that’s a moment:
Halting traffic and bundling children
Sliding down avenues
Running up hills
Pretend camps under think pines
Childhoods free candy
And snow mittens
And I look at you
From half way ‘round the world
Frozen to the house
Looking out windows
While we are children free
When the moments are full
It’s under a summer ray
Hummingbirds by a lapping shore
Hard pressed sand
Just under cold
Crystal clear Esker Lakes
Chasing minnows and tadpoles
I remember these things repeatedly
Like a flushed summer evening
Burning the pink of my eyes
With the vision of youth
Chasing that dragonfly into the woods
Into the dark woods of now
And I look at you
And wonder where you come from
53 Capo 8th fret C F C Emin Dmin G Dmin G
(: F G F G C 🙂
Morning has risen
And you are there
Next to me
In my heart
I woke from this slumber
And noticed I’m
Alone here in the dark
I walked to the window
And looked at the sun
And see the clouds
Setting on the horizon
I never noticed
The rains would come
And be so mighty
Against me
The morning dew
Has settled on the
Green leaf
Under the sun
It glistens’ a fleck
Of a smile
And returns itself
To the sky
And as the day
Progresses
And angles sing a
Tune to midday
It comes to my attention
That darkness comes
A thundering
All this way
(: Time is gone
There’s not much left
I’m on my own 🙂
For trouble to
Follow me
Where ever I step
Into this life
It must be that I
Am abandoned
And left to
The will if the dogs
(: 4 Times 🙂
54
There was a nice little snow fall
When I was coming down
It stopped as I did
To watch the dark
Swallow up the light
55
It’s been cold and blue
I watched the red flow back
Hours after the sun cracked
The horizon with colors of varied hue
Didn’t you notice?
I just left it lying there
Blue as ice, blue as sky,
Blue as lost held breaths
I just left it there
Glassy hazed orbs teared a bit
But when the blue
Turned to black
You know it was too late.
Retro dying
Like wintery early seventies
Cold hearted movies
Lain on the ground purposefully
Screams of hapless times
A little bruised blue
To the bone
Where there never was life
It’s been cold and blue
I watched the red flow back
It’s a mystery rendered in stacks
Of paper setting fire to the infernal clue
56
Take the bard out of the poet
And you’re left with
Very little
57
From the dark antiseptic room
He wanders
Smoky alley dungeons
Square cold rooms he left
For the comfort of his kind
But they were beast like all the rest
Steel cold rooms stainless
Clean as a knife as cold
Lay you there sleeping
Without shiver
Without you nipples reacting
Without breath
Take one deep
Breath
Now
Let it go feel it all
And return to that state
Of the cold room
Where you don’t shiver
You are not hungry
You don’t dream
You nightmare
Constance, you scream scare
Constance’s you grip and tear
Constance’s into her pieces scarce
Tie dyed dead red to black
Bite the scream
Into your throat
Constance’s tears up that constellation
Rare and have them run
58
December evening likens to the howl
Of a mucky April night just after
A snow fall; treading of lite traffic
Turning what was once virgin
To a brazen curse depicted scowl
Out of the depth of concrete to the rafters
You can hear a fallowed scream horrific
Whir of sirens where all ends and begins
It is the guardian who judge the foul
Or the right, their course never alter
Just the city trending the land gothic
And the vamp and witch cast out the puritans
The thundering rhythm to the bowel
Shutters the glass turns neon to glitter
Pulsates through these garish halls of brick
And in moments there’s nothing left to your hearin’.
59
There is in the mind
Arisen of the salty brine
The nature of things to come
In the view of all things slum
To ponder such beauty
From this deck so squalid
To view the engorgement you enjoy
And see my presence these to share
It is a reflection that answers
The feeling once repulsed
We have grown, we have grown
60. The Seven Constance’s
She was young and unknown
Theirs was an awakening
He held her against willingness
To seed her flower
There in the garden
Spilled her on the earth of shame
Constance Bane a mouthful of shame
Child turned against time
As the days spin her dizzy
She remembers denial in a tizzy
61. The Seventh Constance
The seventh Constance of the universe
The one that pain rules with never
Promises and quakes of nothing diverse
The one that remains the same
Who lets everyone else plays the game
It is a constellation clustered with shame
Torn and full of ambiguity
Never knowing what’s next in its purity
Kill me rape me and never befriend me
There’s nothing left in the Constance
She was born she lives, remaining in the distance
She is the void of ambivalence
That swallows the many things wanted
The successes lost and time daunted
Through the nights and days left behind
Hung on ropes to dry, out of sight out of mind
Into the dark, damp and chains that bind
My prison, Constance in mind could be sultry
The emotional constellation becomes tawdry
It is what it is and we run against the wind
As the kings queens and jokers against us grinned
We have a flare for debaucheries of nothing than a void
62
When She says “Wendy’s going to die”
These are tomorrows Crucified
Against the blue of heaven
And baptized with an ocean
Of forget-me-nots
Praying to be some how
Thought of in passing
Like an old friend flutters by in thought
That is no more or never was
The sea of faces that passes by
And never returns
Except in odd recognition
And deja-vue
Tie died in varied yesterday
Screaming to be set free
Locked in the prison thought
Of the fish bowl coffee shop
And expresso click know it all
Captured in that exposed
Cappuccino grin then what?
Bleed a little huh?
Drunk on the haze of loud
You too my pod
Explode behind my eyes
Before these notes sultry gets drowned
Out by the crowd
And caffeine cuz it all
Wears down to dark sleep
I ask the question
Why it is that I wish to cease to be
So much
Why is that sleep never ending
Appeals
To one such as this that nothing
Is a goal dream the trophy
To think of death never ceasing
Dark and demons
No flames of brimstone
Sulfur gases
Or volcanic dread
Just the eternal unease
That it may all begin again
The nauseous idea that
It never really ends.
63
Great nauseous cavern
Inter will and hope
Into buried
64
We return every chord
Every note
Every voice
To a pause in the sequence
Of eternal moments
Grasping at all of life;
Fighting over each other’s place
In this living fire
Tormented by the whips and wicks
Lashing our flesh to move on
Some happier to be done
Then said to be happy
Where are we in this torment
The happier you are
The deeper you’re in.
65.
When does it come to us
When does forgiveness
Give us our turn to freedom
When does time
Healer of all beings
And destroyer of all things
Walk along this tundra
Abysmally cold and forgotten
Men of this self-defeated climate
And crushed hope
Would want to dream
Perchance to succeed
Or fall prey to false pretense
And collapse in the mud of years wasted
Blast these wrongs into the storm
And like the weather as torn
Turn a blustery winter
Into a summer’s eve
66.
He wakes upon this blustery day
Huddled under blankets covered of snow
His breadth warmed his night’s dreams
As the stars spun over him in rows
The dark sky overcast’s its schemes
Let’s fall crystalline to frost the trees
Power lines and pumps states nearby
The wind curls a drift near him
Snow covers his feet to his thigh
Blown igloo to his chin
Still; except for the breeze twirled to guilt
Trapped in icy sleep on a lost summer’s day
Wandering through youthful traps and turns
Rolls up a few icy breaths to decay
Quiet perfects the stillness now
As the morning sun burns into day.
67
Winter run
Laughter and giggles
Screams to sled
Fast going down
Slow returning up
Puffing fog breath
To the start
Laughing to tumble
Roars and rumbles
As snow machines
Pull sleigh and tire
On the flat
By plowed ice rinks
Skaters twirl
Rope toss each other
Lovers walk the strolling path
Hold hands each other
Moms and dads
Children near
Grandparents dear
Saunters trails the doe
Had tread in the woods
The elder children
By the nearby tree line
Build fort and castles
To mock ice sculptures
Competitors raise
The colored lights from the town
As the sun sinks behind it
Glow with the dusk
Community
Spirit
Lingers into the candle light
Of the little churches
Mosque and temples
Of their hearts
As the last lights are
Turned off
The life of winter
Continues
In the breezy swirls
Of snow tumbling
To our front door
68
Run the balance
Through the scales
Like guitar riffs
With running fingers
Grooves into the morn
Like a fucking master
Seals the approval
A little high pitched squeal
A resolve to out-do all
Return to the days
When summer blast’s
Were done with
Window sill speakers
Blaring the neighbours ears
Into the Friday
Night boisterous
Psychedelic adventures
Lured like a fish
With a shiny sparkle
To capture the minds glitter bug
It’s the beat
That’s captured you
Enthralled you
Throbbing through you
Like the rumble of a Chrysler
Heading down the highway
At 80 mph and sum
The drugs you smoked before
Are just enhancers
To the catastrophic decades
Down the road
The one you never thought would be
The jam has stuck
To a funky riff
As you swallow the pill of today
Anything to disappear
When it gets to funky
The funky
Will want you to disappear
The fade starts
Slowly at first to a strobe
A brief silence
A distant thunder rolling in
Sonorous beat thuds to your heart
Corpuscles pulse
As you hold your breath
Through the crash
It’s the fucking base
Pounding against your chest
When you release you step
Into the eternal haze
Floating you to your next beer
And cigarette
Naked on dew wet blue grass
Transfer plains and we believe
The world is ours
We believe in many things
And years slowly break
Them down
They break them down
With nothing to show for them
The derelict feeling
Sometimes the stench
Sticking to your skin
See them alone wandering
Stuck to the concrete
Plastered in front of us
Like a mine field
Watch your step
Or the caustic spew of rant
Will roll up on your cheek
Sticky sneer
Under corpuscle breath
The muse changes
Transforms
Ignites another term
Of reality bent to sound and light
And set fire
To the music of the movement
69
There’s a door that opens
Unto a running shore
A place where you may
Run away if you want
With no one to stop you
Except maybe your shadow
And an angel praying
Pouring herself like gasoline on water
Set it all on fire.
70. Tears and Rainbows
I can see when you cry
Looking out my window
Tears and rainbows
Tears and rainbows
In your eyes
Pictures on my wall
Tells me all I want to know
In your mind
I can see in your mind
Oh oh yeah
Living in a world without love
Baby, baby don’t tell me
Don’t tell me
You don’t love we
It’s so lonely looking through my window
Waiting for you
To get me through the day
Oh oh yeah
Baby baby please
Don’t you leave
Make me believe
In our dream
Not so long ago
It’s all gone
Yes the feeling’s gone
The dream has flown
Baby baby we said
Yes we said
We’d meet again
In a world without pain
Fantasy
Oh what a dream
It has been not so long ago
Not so long ago it seems I was just a child
Oh I was just a child
I was just a child
In the rain
Looking over the scene
I was in now
Memories and oh how
Tears and rainbows
Blue eyes how could you
How could you leave such a dream world
We’ve made
Oh oh yeah
Baby baby how could you
Leave me
On a string of memories
You don’t know the pain
In the rain
Tears and rainbows
You left me here
Without a shred of decency
Oh my love cries for you oh oh yeah
Tears and rainbows cry for you
They give me the blues.
71
As the day begins to ascend
Into the blue sky
Can you see there’s an angel
Hanging high
You see the world
So angry about you
And that angel
Pours his bowl on you
Like gasoline on water
Set it all on fire
Noon has risen to be
On high
You walked away
To a distant shore
You see the other side
Of the world it aint better
And the rains begin
Like gasoline on water
Set it all on fire
72
Once when we were
Before demons chased us down
Before the ceiling was
Or had a shimmer in it
Life was known as peaceful.
73
In a solitary way
When the snow falls a shimmer
To the ground a glitter
Traffic stalls the moment
And restarts the motion eerily.
A cold breeze flutters a swirl
Of the dusty eve’
And the blue light’s neon
Can be busy for hours
The red and dirty yellow
All crash together
There’s nothing in the need
To express a solitary moment
In a stubborn fall
To wash away all the evidence
That we were here
Winter brushes further.
From a time long ago in the same darkness
Stretched over highways rivers
Forests, plains and tundra
Falls slow quiet as is the need
To express a solitary moment.
On a hill where youth
Once trampled up and down
Far from the noisy city rush and trough
And the clash of colors
Faded brilliance with a gust of wind
Turns the swirls and updrafts
Against street lights
And traffic lamps:
And a deeper need
To express a solitary moment.
It is understanding in the middle
Of nowhere sonorous glamor
Outstretched before us
Gusting with nature swaying
And shaking the city skyline
To swallow it all in its darkness
And choke on a need
To express a solitary moment.
There is nothing likes the willful river’s
Lament, standing on the precipice
Sending a tremor through everything about
Tossing it with doubt;
It revels around you
Swirls of Whyte snow cold
And summer leaves
Chases the morrow never
Comin’ to the light
And pride stiffens the need
To express a solitary moment.
74
The thousand ghost that came from that dark place
Death’s little swallow was in the barrow of the plague
Maggots and skeletal roars silent in the darkness mine
There never was such a place before the attempt to cross
But now all things bent from reality tears at this fabric seen
There is not a soul attempted thus that suffers the inquisitors’ heat
Devils and demons taunt from the shadows from when the gates open
There is nothing left but to await my diminished fate.
75
Crushed in the choral sand
Of tides and currents
Roll the stone
To gleam in the sun
The half devoured corpse
Of a seagull
With crab mangling
The remains for a feast.
The wave comes in
To sweep the stones again
Sounds a rattle by the wash
Of the oceans crushing hand
And the idea that nothing
Ever changes dies
It is twisted torn
Given to the likes of the remains
The ancient sing through the reef
The steady eyes linger
Through glass to the distant past
The stones are rolled once more
Like the old one’s bones
Telling fortunes that won’t last
Telling beginning that end
Telling of the body without life
The stones churn some
Backwards step
And a brief moment of silence
Still in the silent song’s silhouette
By high cliffs and roaming gulls
A rush over the stones
Clear waters reflecting tales
Of life’s breath hovering over
Distant white caps
To this little enclave
On the waters of time
Buried under wet soft sand
Hatchlings break free
Of their living tomb
They rush into the break
To ancient ends
Above the stones
Beneath their fury
To get to the deep
Under their blue sky.
Dec 24, 2012
Far away
Thus you traveled from
Where lighted night sky
Turns the painted glass
Into ceilings stained of color
On ward we look
To that constellation hued
To first light
And dusk’s twilight
Where all shades are expressed
The glimmer in your eye
Pales that constellation
Perfect perfunctory
Without attempt to disarm
The world is disarmed for you
76
When the quiet is breached
And the noise
Rhythmically turns you out
Alone and torn, you are
What you are
77
When at times, distant
From things torn
You float it all
To the water’s insurgence
And revel in the moment
Of this smallest distraction
Dismal torpid jest
Sinking into the most minute death
Of thought ruminating
Of past circum(pomp’n’)stances
To a dissolution minute of the present
78
Flutter a slow fall
From a grey sky
To a white haven hall
Torn from the eye
Hold the moment here
Out of the shadow
Smile without fear
All is well for the morrow.
79 Four verses
I.
The crowd’s here
The noise compounds the heart
And the agitation is a quiet scream
Stifled by the anticipating ambience
The paranoid fear remains
Of something taken from me
There is an unheard silence
In the laughter there about us
The anticipation churns the heart.
II.
Another year another heart beat
The pace of the elite
And I look into the abyss
See what has gone
And what is come
No prophet see the moment
Under the clear blue
While the sun burns another hole
Into the fucking day.
III.
When memories run into the present
And the year ahead is already afire
What do you churn out of it?
Except the mixes that survive
The assault of the day to day
No one lives in the moment
Cyber architectural space
Houses the wanting and the fantastic.
IV.
When you talk about the last day
My insides turn like a wave
I am drawn to the night rain
And the sound it makes through the leaves
I enjoy the sound of it on the dark pavement
When it falls hard
And when the sky thunders
And the lightning
Lights up the sky like it was day.
80 (Trapped in my own body. Some do not like this particular statement but it is what I feel and no one should tell another human being what or what not to feel. This is my experience. The experiences of the LGBT communities has struggled with terms to describe their state of being and I find many valid terms as states of being and self-protection in the heterosexual world.)
The sun as hot ember
Sinks a summer cloud
I think of you far away
Before the scarred autumn
Of forest fire scorching
Wishing you the best
Wanting you but knowing
Knowing you would not
Know me as I you
But that you may think
All is well but it never was.
I’ve turned fire upon the self
Turned time to look back
To see the beginning
An acrid life from the start
And as we travelled fast
Through mountain paths
In their darkness in their night
I found my own shadow.
I have turned pages
Of you and about you
I have ripped and torn
All I could find in rage
Pleading to let me out of this cage
And then there is always silence
That void which sears the heart
In mid-beat struggling to push
Against a breath
To vent a plea of forgiveness
Unanswered are all you
Wanted dearly rejected
Toss and turn into the heart
Of all places as time turns
Out the average
Knowing less than the rest
I’d let it flow like a river
Emotions from the centre of all of me.
81
I’d thought of a good line
Many a times put it off
Now I am blank refined
And think fuck off!
82
To the sill of the glass
Peer in deeply thoughtful
Longing the day you arrive
To pick up pieces of life’s glass
83
To drink your muffled scream
In the dark and rain
Slithering hand pressed to throttle…….
84 TWISTED IN THE QUIET THUNDER
Twisted in quiet thunder
The rooms are closed
Barred are the windows
This mansion empty
All twisted in thunder quiet.
All twisted in quiet thunder
Tied in knots under shadows bright
By the crocus’s frozen edge
Lay you down to see us unfurl
Life twisted in the quiet thunder
Torn under dry burning clouds bright
Fired concrete pavement sears
We too whilst, are blistered portraits
Sleep twisted in quiet thunder
Black our bones to dust on this throne
We beckon peace under this storm
The blue rain falls apart and sharp
Death twisted in the quiet thunder
Drops of dust as fallen Angel
Wreck the quiet butterfly scream
Crushes the mountain’s ocean
All twisted in the quiet thunder.
Remember days and the tremors
When you shook with fear
Tore at every tear
Through all of time into spaces
Hate twisted in the quiet thunder
Fate twisted in the quiet thunder
Remember it all when it’s lost
Seems a frightful baptismal drowning
Twisting in the rain a train thunders.
85
I cannot drown in the music anymore
I can push you and be on my own…….
86
I have followed you in from the dark.
The rain’s increase the night’s void
And formless shape
As you walk down the hall
The rain and wind call you
A howl through these halls
And you quiver his chill
So close without realizing
In time as a clock strikes
The hour in dissonance
Wales the lightning
Strikes into your shadow
Your heart begins that race
That missed breath in subtle fear
You don’t understand the urgency
And hurry still to your door
Fidgeting the keys into the lock
A crack of thunder
Slices your shadow again
You’re in the safety of the familiar
Your breast heaves in relief
Sighing safety smiles
You lock the door
Turn to meet his chill
Again
It is quick no breath taken
A look down
To the shaft of light
Casting a shadow against the floor
As a light is turned on
You see in your heart
A bleeding breath drips as if from your chin
The quiver in your lips
Disoriented nausea and a distant stare
Wide eyes dark
Into another flash
And his chill now on your arm
Presses against you
A shivering breath inhaled like a drink of blood
You fall against the door
Like a lover accepting a kiss
Giving herself to his strength
In his cold hands
You bring your hand
To cover the gush
Flowing sweet iron icing
Over your flesh
Cover your heart
Like a lover awed by affection
As breaking a saddened joy
With a willful tear
His chilling strength pulls the shaft
Quick!
Again a thrust calculating watching
Tasting smelling the feast
Spitting at his feet
His cold hand has gone
Through your soul
Drinks your essence
He helps you down
Against the door
Sliding easy as if to lay his lover
As she fevers in her moment
Holding to his shoulders
His frosted smile glitters.
Eyes seams the night shut.
And one more breath of her is taken
She feels the ice shaft
Linger and melt in her wound
As she takes the dirk from her necklace
And slits his throat
Like a cold lover returning a kiss
Smiling and satisfied.
The room flowing sweet iron icing
The cold chill of her hand
Grasps his heart
As he gasps for a last breath
That never takes to any satisfaction
The lovers die
In that pool of flowing iron icing.
87
In a slow groove like a Robertson track
In line walk cool
No ice in your eyes
That day you hovered like and angel
In the strobe’s fantasy
Swaying to the beat
Of another era
You travelled far
You look fine
That groove draws me in
MMmmm.. I just swivel
Just the way you want me too
The light trips the fantastic
From the song’s era long gone
All framed in purple and long legs
Tinsel and glitter
As the music rushes
Through the flesh
Pounding against the heart
And the world swaying
To the pulse of the moment.
88
Spring warmth on your shoulders
Winter sprig in the air
And a cold damp against your cheek.
To the heart
A hot glass of sherry
Dull the senses, run over fences
In the woodland waltz
Tuned to the snapping twigs
In a brisk breeze breaking the silence
Under the cover of a warm grey sky
Evening come shadows long
And become part of the twilight
The signs of warmth for the day
Covers in a growing frost
Now, the day has gone by way of the shadow.
89 I RETREAT
Looking through time and space
To memories better left buried
I never thought I’d remember your face
But there you are un-frayed un-scurried
From the hectic curses life brings
Your color against my cheek stings
I retreat
In the quiet of house light shadows
I don’t ponder secrets profound
But listen to the pause between
Heart beats grow
You appear like a repeated row
Reflection of a gem stone
My pause from the pulse you bring
Raises the sound of it like a spring
I retreat
I say no words as you pass
So that pause might take flight
As a southern breeze twist’s it “wouldn’t last”
Thus I hesitate to just enjoy the high
This summer past of a string of things lost
And think to myself to have kept all at what cost
I retreat
90
In the quiet of house light shadows
I think of you deeply standing alone
Under the grey, cross the chatter Hallow
Watching how it all cuts you to the bone
When the sun has gone left you here
With everything that is good and dear
I find myself pondering no secrets profound
Only hope that one day something does astound
Knowing silence is a verse not writ
For to know would be worms of it
Now through the dark the neon calls
You walk without shadow as the snow falls
The pause between heart beats shudders
The anxiety quakes as every beat mutters
Fear oppressed at what may be in our hearts
That walk near and far by your great art.
Remember you were so sad you wanted to leave
Do you see it coming again it makes your breast heave
You turn away against the currents rush
The weight of it all burden silenced to a hush
And the sleep as we turn to you
It enfolds like a season’s warm hue.
91
In the twisted folds of time
I think there are places
I remain trapped in youth
Never to be released
That is why I love the way I do
In the twisted folds of time
There are places in my heart
That haunt me
Moments dark as night
Without stars
Without neon or street lamp
Nor traffic light
Not a fire fly
Under this august night
When the wind
Calls out moments in the howl
Of it all
In the twisted folds of time
These haunting moments
Never grew beyond
The child that suffers them
There are these hauntings
That ever last all things
In the heart and soul
Remnants of trespass
Against the flesh
92
What others have
The little they know
How much I want
The simple joy
The inclination to laugh
To smile is the effect
That brings tears
93
I have felt this
It comes and leaves
It storms and crashes
And everytime
I get near
You take it away
Anywhere I get close
You cut it away
Every feeling that is you
Every thought from the deep
That is you.
94
Leaves of time
Slivers of light
Tumble like memories
Shredded and tossed
Falling into that hill of snow
That once was as a child
Sledding down distances
On the ice pond on the lake
Skated to white cuts in the ice
Leaves of time
Groans of winter’s eve
Dark and starless
Incantation and psalms
Fallen into cities neon
Riding down wet avenues
From the winter rains turn to ice
And for those stricken blue
Hold there tongue willingly
Leaves of time
Shreds of life
Starless grey moon
Words for the wolf’s song
It moves me
But not enough to kill me
To stir begging it a halt
And like time, leaves me.
95
Pause and ponder
The thunder’s trap
See the will and the other
Scatter ashes of time
In the wind of the jester’s fear
Spinning incants
Like feeble twisted blurbs.
96
The quiet flutter of the sparrow
Turns a wing to the limb of the tree
Leafless protection bane to the morrow
We turn our prayers to the flaws we flee
Silenced in the oncoming storm
He flies away and turns from me
Others swirl and sway together to form
An image of you in the twisted bramble
It is in the moment that I am warm.
97
I see the witch turn and dance
Joyous and free in the cage of me
Caught in the flesh not our own
Her movements are curses
Witching incantations aspires
To high nothing full of fears
And reaching to escape the flesh
There in, born.
98
See the lightning
The thunder follows
Across the expanse, the water
The forest line there across
And a frail shadow between us
Walking to us
Above nature
Frail as she may seem
Strongest in her will
But her heart breaks.
99
Willful dogs and warning fences
Hip slung sign post
Staked around
And still your touch is felt
Without the fire it used to carry
Weary heart to soul do divide
The body from each other
Willful dogs and warning fences
Shaken and rattle astound
The peace within but with a smile.
100
Slip into the groove grand funk
Mirror ball edifices and past honour
Nothing new just a little brighter
Paced a little faster to turn
The assumption is that it’s all new
The rattle of the electric sphere
Vibrates and shakes to jiggle
A giggle from the youth
The old try a venture
And get lost in the attempt
The temple room tempo gallops
And the floor moves in waves
Like the skin of flesh that crowd
Push and heave to the temple’s pulse
Rave on and turn another leaf
See the mood spill like the flow
Of foamed broth over the lip
And slow you become to a new pace
Dissipating a cool breath
With the flow of the crowd
The guitar sounds lifts us up
Like an animated avatar
Floating towards the new
Echoed with beats and threats thunder
Spun like a glass web against the light
The mist as a cloud
As are you – rise –
And fall like a stomping breath
Slow – with ease.
101
Willful dogs and warning fences
As you begin a new chapter
The average could not feel
They walk in stubborn trances
And that depressive self-banter
Leaves you in the middle of that junk yard.
102
When I look upon the woodland green
Pastoral images turn and gleam
Past times and summer fairs to enjoy
And see your beauty in the spring’s envoy
I reflect too much upon the latter
Which should carry no value or matter
But that lost time does nag me so
To never recapture this, hurt does grow
A willingness to sleep eternally
Seams to cast a web and spell over me
And beyond these walls this castle keeps
There’s only ruin and ugly vines that creep
Here even I feel frozen despair
There’s no protection from the everyday life in the air
The chance to dream of no escape
I find myself eager to clear the woodland scape.
103
When I start thinking in the line
See a pause that kills the time
I count from one to nine
And hope to spy a rhyme
Truly not but wander a field
Sweet is the breeze with fireflies
The early eve and twilight spring congealed
And spy the night hawk to darkness
A screech he cries
The hunter of the starry night visited
The ghost your brothers called a past
Watch them stroll the past solicited
Turning down the light to start
And you believe
Their ghosts
They live in you and time
Come touch the aura they leave behind
Trample the same trespassed prints like a crime
Absorb the knowledge and treasures you find
It is rare to return it is a gift
Handed to all but a few to seek
Don’t look back too far
Under you the myriad of time do lift
To the past and the moment of every star.
104 ONE
I don’t feel like much
Don’t feel like anything
Something came and went
And left nothing behind
I look around
Thought what could abound
I see nothing
That makes a moment quiver
Or tremble the least
There is longing from the evergreen
Of the past
All those forever’s spoken
Broken pain of glass
Shard’s into the soul
Of soon enough’s
The old aches of the crushing hand
Upon my skull
The forgetting was limited comfort
The denial a reprieve
From the tearing storm against the spirit
Still whole but defeated
With another’s hand print
Left on my forever’s and tomorrows
A little soul
A mask not my own,
Unwanted scheme from another
I was a child in the darkest place
In the light of no one saw or knew
The wrong was hidden
Lost in the folds of time
In the cells of dark memory
In the frames of dark remembrance
Recall nothing but the feeling of unease.
TWO
Turn the emotion from within
Turn to outward gestures
Capture the puritan sin
To loft out your nature
Say you miss a parent
Say you miss the other
Chains of family broken
By one moment of rape
Hidden to all
Hidden by you
Denied always by you
There is no returning it is done
It is said
It is complete
There is nothing left of me
You have taken it all.
THREE
It comes in thirds
Carried from the distance by birds
Always left to wither
Like torn stemmed roses
Bloom like a held breath blue
And petals fall from the sigh
One after another
In contemplation of the eternal
Soft songs drunk by firelight
I stand on the grim precipice
Where all the roses bloom
When you hold your breath blue
And petals fall from the sigh
One after another
The adverse reach against the tide
In the repression of thorns we hide
We look up to where all the roses bloom
As we hold our breath blue
And petals fall from the sigh
One after another
As we fail our out ward reach
From the dark deep
We heard you preach
I see where I am so blue
And hold my breath to faint as a rose
And as petals fall
So does each limb and I
One after another
From this precipice, I despise.
105
I was amazed
As I watched it push
Its way passed stone
Ice and snow, crocus
In no hurry
Crocus in no hurry buried
For winter’s cold
But still you challenge
These elements old.
106
I was denied
I was withheld
Against truth
I rebelled
Without sense I knew
To tare down
What seemed so true?
107
Dark roads vine through miles
Of mountain valleys
Terrific traffic descent
Into the shadows when morn comes
Pristine rivers flow below
The dark avenue
While the mean bones hide in the brambles
Scurry flutter and ramble
As the breeze carries
Your demons on another day
Where torn stemmed roses bloom
While holding a breath blue
And petals fall from the sigh
As I close my eyes.
When we are sat the precipice
What holds you back?
But a breath in the right direction
And alone on the edge
It is swallowed whole
And cuts its way home
To a place that depth
Becomes fire….
And the dark becomes fluid.
In a place where depth becomes fire
And the dark becomes fluid
I turn into the avenue
Drive up to the Boulevard
Until it rains
And the pavement
Catches as the sun sets
The night is now fluid
Pouring into tomorrow.
108
It’s in the morning
And you’re crawling on the walk
There’s not a soul around
Left for another hundred blocks
You’re cold and desperate
Looking for anything that breathes
And all those tricks you’ve learned
Well you ain’t got nothing left up your sleeve.
THE END
nina gisele 7th 
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